Squabble for equity: A fight within

Name plate of our Kolkata house. It’s a statement in itself

I recently got engaged in a discussion about the traits of a Good husband. As a matter of fact, I was a little startled to find out how much of relevance this topic still has in the minds of the modern day woman. We are so much into the acceptance mode of the traditions that we don’t even realize the need of questioning them. I strongly believe that the relevance of every belief should be tested against the time. We should stop accepting traditions on its face-value as that contradicts our passion to evolve, for ourselves, individually and collectively.

We are so engrossed with our lives that we subconsciously become submissive to age old traditions that do not make any sense in today’s world. And sometimes to those traditions that never made sense to pragmatic thinkers, even in the yester-years. I feel, consciously, or subconsciously, we are programmed to think in a specific way, without questioning things. I was a little surprised by the comparisons drawn between people on how effectively they play a role in life. But to some extent I agree to the fact that some are better than others in shouldering their responsibilities while many remain elusive of the thought that such a utopian world does exist where people treat other equally.

Don’t choose to be number two or agree to be treated as a commodity

Many ladies think that certain qualities could make their respective husbands to appreciate them and their contributions more. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t work that way. It’s a world where the poor are supposed to be more benevolent than the rich. A small example is when a rich person visits a poor man’s house, the poor is so overwhelmed that he offers the rich person with whatever he can afford- respect, cuisine, comfort, even sometimes heavy monetary discounts on his services (if any offered). In a contrast, when a poor man visits a rich man he gets nothing- no respect, no time, no comfort, forget about monetary benefits. In short they are not even welcome there. It’s a world where the strongest shoes can be afforded by people technically doesn’t require to wear shoes at all. Such ladies need to stand for themselves and not look forward to gain any respect as a favor.

The only place that has gender-equity is the cause for this world to be gender-biased.

When I try to find the root cause of the current state of the gender-biased world, I feel this is the only place where men and women have equity. In other words, they both are equally responsible for turning or retaining this world a gender-biased place. Since our childhood, we are programmed to accept the male supremacy in the society, in the family and also at work. I would not question the urge of being dominant, as I feel that’s a great way of self-actualization that everyone should possess. However, I feel a strong urge to question the implicitly unsolicited acceptance of the male-dominance. I feel having equal rights, not only at the work-place but also at home, can give you great results in your pursuit of happiness and prosperity. But to have equity, at the first place, the person who seeks equity from the other, should realize that change of thought needs to be brought in them instead of putting sincere repetitive request for better treatment. In an honest comparison, a lady contributes way more than a man in the family. However, she may not get the desired respect for her contribution because she has been trained to do things for free as an obligation. They have been programmed to think that earning money for the family is far more unique work than creating lives after undergoing nine months of excruciating pain. Which, actually, is an absurd thought. A woman too can earn money for survival. BTW, Who needs tons of wealth, just to survive? But a more important question is- with whatever efforts can a man put, can he create even a fraction of life by himself? Can he bear someone hanging to his belly for nine months? The apparent answer is NO.

We are programmed by the society to extend our unconditional acceptance to a gender-biased society

Then why women are seeking equity when I think they are actually the superior between the two? More benevolent, a more giving being between the two. Aren’t the women themselves have created this dominating demon? Providing love and nurturing other is the core value of womanhood. They tend to be too kind and in the process ignore their own selves and their needs in front of those of others. I know ladies who don’t sleep or eat on time when their spouse is away from home. They think more about their well-being when perhaps the other person may be focusing more on them more immediate things to them, which to some extent, makes more sense too. But I think they should avoid being obsessed about the well-being of their spouse, “more than themselves”. They should take care of themselves first and then extend their love to others.

Love yourself first. That love will attract love from others.

A few years back, one of my Credit card from a leading US bank operating in India was declined to be handed over to my wife citing the reason that my wife did not share my family name. The Courier company, too, is a leading US brand operating in India. The case was escalated to the higher management and the lady who represented the Senior management tried her best to convince me that I should ask my wife to adopt my family name as her last name. My arguments against that idea were-

1. Every person has their own identity with the first name and also with the last name that helps connect that person to their roots. Having same family name, in simple terms, means the two persons are from the same family which is definitely not true and acceptable in case of spouses.

2. In a marriage it’s not only the lady who should change her last name. If at all it is obligatory, the obligation rests equally on the man and the woman.

3. Being a woman and a Senior Manager of a Bank from a country that stands as a leader of inclusion policies, she should not be sound submissive towards an some archaic rule which should have been, by now, been questioned for relevance.

I am sure she got a few new things to ponder upon. However, the bank agreed to my points when I requested them to cancel my card.

Moreover, I believe this distorted belief of gender supremacy is here to continue without any conclusion. Until such time when women themselves become more aware of their own capabilities, stop being voluntarily submissive to predatory archaic rules of male supremacy, stop requesting for equity as grants and instead take steps that put themselves first in every sphere of life. Albeit, falling prey to the Egoism that may lead to self-destruction.

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